Looking at the sun
waiting for you
Yesterday, Matthew Sweet was the answer for me.
I was having one of those days where you’re just having trouble focusing. It’s hard, sometimes, when there are lots of little worries and what ifs and wishes on your mind. And especially when you’re living in a foreign country for two-and-a-half years, and still have little “freedoms” from back home that you’re missing. Like being able to drive (which I am working on) just to, say, run to the post office or go to a beauty appointment when you simply don’t feel like walking or biking. Or just wanting to talk to your Mom or a bestie back home, but darn that time difference. And the list goes on.
The feeling of constant climbing can be a frustrating one. Like life, there is always something. And when you’re in a situation like mine, you blame it on: It’s because I’m not in Minneapolis. You know, deep down, that these little issues can be solved. But some days you’re simply just sick of yet another hill to climb over. Like when I’m riding home from work in the dark and I’ve got that last hill before the turnoff to my house – what feels like a 90-degree angle and as the Aussies say, “I just can’t be bothered.”
And then, as life goes, you sleep on it and feel better the next day. You lean on the support of those around you. You learn about going into “the moment” as soon as you feel those worries start to pile up into one large glob. You give yourself a day of walking in the sunshine in your favourite part of town – alone. For me, it’s about bringing back those little pieces of life from my past that used to “fill” me. Having time by myself. Buying myself a very American Subway sandwich. Coming home to write about it.
And listening to Matthew Sweet, the soundtrack from my past. The “Girlfriend” album. The songs I know by heart; songs I can have for myself, which all the 24-year-olds that surround me at work are too young to know about. It’s about having something that’s mine. Something that takes me back home, where I know my way. Home, where I’m strongest. Home, where I’m me at my best.
I love and respect my home here in Australia, too, and can appreciate how my life is growing and changing in beautiful ways. But I think it’s fair to pay homage to where I came from, and why I am the person I am today. I think it’s okay to acknowledge I miss the place sometimes, and then let go. Because this is where I need to be right now. So, I make the very best I can of it, and incorporate as much of “me” as I can – at all times.
‘Cause I need to
get back in the arms
of a good friend.